Nelson's Column

It's a cat's life...

10 September 2008


So, the bitchShe Who Controls The Can Opener is back. She had the temerity to walk out on Sunday lunchtime without so much as a backward glance in my direction (ok, ok, I concede there was a small cuddle) and She only returned at nearly midnight last night. In the interim, some bearded Scouser who said he was a friend and neighbour came in twice to feed me. To show my disdain, I ignored the food and gave him my Look (the one that says "you will so regret this") to let him know my displeasure.

As She had vanished so completely, I was forced to mark my territory again on the doormat. I mean, I had no idea if someone else might move in to replace Her. Now, of course, She is complaining about the smell. Did it occur to Her that this is Her fault entirely for going AWOL?

When She reappeared last night, with yet another bearded male in tow, I overheard some comments about a conference. Surely a bluff. I sat on the top of the stairs and glared at Her. I did relent, a tiny little bit, after She gave me a hug, and deposited some of my pedigree fluff on the calves of Her favourite jeans. But I refused to share Her bed.

Normal service is resuming today. I was ecstatic to be allowed outdoors again after 3 days of imprisonment. However, I'm still making my point by studiously ignoring Her and not jumping on Her desk.

I expect I'll be nicer to Her tomorrow. But only if she gives me hand-prepared caviar for dinner.