Tweet tweet

Not content with conquering the blogosphere, I decided to take a leaf out of She Who Controls The Can Opener's book and join Twitter.

A wise move, as it turned out. I have already amassed a huge army of serfsfans who are ready to obey my every whim and I am now the object of adoration of some very hot and classy young queens. I have lacked female companionship for a while - with any luck, my domination of the tweetopolis shall put an end to that.

I also seem to have acquired a following of influential journalists. Perhaps I shall be offered my own op-ed column in the daily press at last, somewhere I can offer my wisdom to the nation and muse upon all things of importance, such as the ingredients of Whiskas pouches. The salary would be useful too. Living in reduced circumstances is such a bore. And as that tiresome Broccoli woman failed to cast me in the latest Bond film opposite the Ukrainian model and that local Craig tearaway, the extra cash would be handy for hanging out with the A list.

Time to nip out for my bedtime rummage in the flowerbed. Till later, dahlinks!