Nelson's Column

It's a cat's life...

05 December 2008


I have been assaulted! She Who Controls the Can Opener left the back door open for me early this morning, it being not too cold here (we seem to have missed the snow), so I could conduct my perambulations at leisure.

After a short foray around the garden I slipped inside to finish my breakfast when, to my horror, I was struck viciously from the rear and pinned to the floor. Herself must have heard some commotion as she was suddenly by my side, chasing the fiend off.

It was the chavscum black tabby from further along the street. It has always been jealous of my good looks and good fortune. Anxious to defend my territory and reputation, I tore after the rapscallion and tussled with it in the bushes. There was some yowling and growling, and I lost some of my glorious pelt, but with a little assistance from Her, I saw off the bounder. My face is saved and I doubt that piece of chavscum will have the nerve to return. Oh no, Sir.

I am now recuperating on the sofa and being soothed by Her as I rest my weary bones. I'm still in slight shock that that beast came into my home, my home, and assailed me, from the rear no less. The coward.

I must plot my revenge.