Model

I am the star of the internet this morning.

I have been telling SWCTCO for years to sign me to an agency so I can star in a James Bond film. I'd even settle for a cat food ad, although it would have to be gourmet food, obviously.

But finally, she took some test shots and sent them off to some dodgy Fleet Street contact of hers - I was expecting to be offered an eight-page spread in Hello ("My gorgeous life in my lovely home") or possibly an in-depth interview in the Observer magazine, but no.

However, this is a very acceptable alternative. I should have modelling agents, fans and Daniel Craig calling my people any moment now...

You may admire the original on SOTM.